Nerves
I’m working from home today, and it’s in some ways a good thing, because I can’t sit still.
I’m nervous. I’ve been dealing with some anxiety / almost-depression issues for some time now. At first I ignored them. Then it got bad and I was hovering around the edges of panic attacks every day for a week. For a while, I’ve been delving in and out of some self-destructive behaviour (which in my situation, has a lot to do with eating). Some friends think it’s just work getting to me, along with planning a wedding. (It’s not, though it probably has contributed to my stress levels). I saw my doctor, twice. I wasn’t able to articulate what I’m going through very well (it’s hard - it all gets stuck in my head). I got a referral. And then I had a good week. I considered not following up with my referral.
But it was only a week.
Almost two weeks ago I booked the appointment to follow up with the referral. The appointment is today. I’ve had good and bad experiences with counseling. I’m nervous because I want this to work and I don’t want to have to go on the merry-go-round of trying to find someone to work who isn’t a numpty. I’m nervous about bringing all this stuff out of my head and into the open. And I’m nervous because I always get nervous meeting new people.
So until this afternoon, I’ll try and get some work done, in between flitting about the house with nerves.
